Just jokes / Thanks to Juan for Sharing
you will read favourite jokes ; funny, silly or foolish.
Teacher:“What is the climate of New Zealand?”
Jimmy: “Very cold, Sir.”
Teacher: “Wrong.”
Jimmy: “But, Sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen.”
Sarah: “Let’s play school!”
Kelly: “O.K. But let’s play I’m absent.”
“I say, waiter, this soup tastes funny!”
“So why don’t you laugh?”
“I don’t want you using those bad words any more.”
“But, Mother, Shakespeare uses then.”
“Well, don’t play with him again.”
Patient: “Doctor, my family thinks I’m mad.”
Doctor: “Why?”
Patient: “Because I like sausages.”
Doctor: “Nonsense, I like sausages too.”
Patient: “You do? You must come round and see my collection. I have hundreds.”
Angry teacher: “Why are you so late?”
Lazy pupil: “Well, I saw the sign in the street that said “School ahead – go slow”!”
“Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven” said the teacher.
Everyone put their hands up except Jimmy.
“Don’t you want to go to Heaven, Jimmy?”
“I can’t Miss,” said Jimmy. “My mum told me to come straight home.”
“Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup.”
“Yes, sir, it’s the heat that kills them.”
A man was buying a Rolls-Royce and wanted to pay in cash, but he found he was 2p short of the 15,000 needed. Outside the car showrooms he saw a man selling newspapers, and he went out and asked him:
“Could you lend me 2p? I want to buy a Rolls-Royce.”
“Sure,” replied the man. “But look – here’s 4p. Buy one for me as well.”
Waiter, this plate is wet.
That’s your soup, sir.
How did you find the steak, sir?
I just moved the potato and there it was.
How do you know when you are getting old?
When the cake costs less than the candles.
How long will the next bus be?
Oh, about ten metres, I expect.
How old are you?
Thirty-three, but I don’t look it, do I?
No, but you used to.
Teacher: Did your sister help you with your homework?
Student: No, she did all of it.
Teacher: If I had eight oranges in my right hand and nine in my left hand, what would I have?
Student: Full hands, sir.
Teacher: What is HNO3?
Student: Just a minute. It’s on the tip of my tongue.
Teacher: Well, in that case, spit it out fast. It’s nitric acid.
Mum, I’m going to buy you a nice teapot for your birthday.
But I’ve already got one.
No, you haven’t. I’ve just dropped it.
Passenger: I’d like this bag to go to London, this one to Paris and this one to Rome.
Clerk: I’m sorry, sir. We can’t do that.
Passenger: Rubbish! That’s what you did the last time I flew with your airline.
Passenger: Taxi driver, how much to the station?
Taxi driver: Ten pounds, sir.
Passenger: And how much for my suitcase?
Taxi driver: Nothing, sir.
Passenger: Good. Take my suitcase to the station and I’ll walk.